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Monday, 14 September 2009

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0h_lqaQz-A
Yes Will it end?

Tuesday, 08 September 2009

I suck. Worst Blogger ever.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-09-08-ERdispatchbartels_N.htm
I want to be like this guy!

Love to anyone who still reads me or cares!

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Called Out!

Shrab_zangmo called me out and now I have to speak!

I am still a bodhisattva in training in hell. Its been a long time connecting and I have been busy pulling heads out of gutters. Nothing has changed except how I perceive this mess I have chosen to jump into. Its like a blind man jumping into a fetid pool. I smell it, yet I'm driven to jump. Damn Bodhisattva Vow!

I am dedicated to seeing suffering as it is. Not what I project, but as it is. My goal is to be a better HUMAN BEING. Man what a feckin goal. My family offers more teaching, yet I the KOSB (King Of The short Bus) need more.

I am still dedicated to being a better Human . One day you can say “I knew him when”.

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Thanksgiving

Since I'm so prolific lately I decided to extend a Thanksgiving post. You see, life has been tumultuous and ever changing. What to give thanks for? Well...breathing is a start....Deep Breathing and prayer...waking and breathing...serving and breathing. Without Prana (Breath) nothing would be possible.

The other day a Trauma flew in with massive injuries. As the 'Bird' landed the doors opened. I threw my cigarette aside and went to the door. The patient had no pulse and was intubated. I climbed on the stretcher and did compressions as we rolled into the ER. I always wanted to be 'that guy'...cowboy riding the patient into the bay. She of course died after aggressive attempts at resuscitation. Was her time. The cool thing was after we jumped on her like wild dogs to a piece of flesh... the Chaplain called out loudly for a moment of prayer. We all went silent in our blood stained garb and bowed our heads. The prayer was short and sweet. It was a great way to end an aggressive attempt.

Afterwards the chaplain was sweet and asked if I was alright. After over 20 years in health-care I no longer feel responsible. I did my job and my team did a damn good attempt. After all, it was the patient who got drunk and drove her car over a ravine. She had many attempts at suicide and now she got what she wanted. So I said “Oh, I'm fine...it was her time...no one knows when, but we all gotta go”.

Most ER staff are done at that point. They avoid to close a contact with the grieving family. Me...nooo...gotta run into fires (its a compulsion and it hurts). So as the husband shook the dead patient and tried to wake her ....I put my hand on his shoulder. “She's gone....this isn't Lazerous and she won't wake brother....she's gone brother...and it sucks.”. Stayed a while longer but had to leave and continue to care for others.

So thats a drop in the ocean I been swimming. Bothers and Sisters it has been a wild surf out there. My work in Palliative Care on Fridays offers so much in which to be thankful....and for that I will not take for granted my life. For to use ones life purely for the satisfaction of desires is to be a thief. As the Bhagivad Gita states....to live a selfless life is to live a proper life. I for one have rejoined Arjuna in the battle in my skull and am trying to strive to be a better human. Now where the fuck is Krishna?

Bless you all

Christians, Jews, Paegens, Buddhists, Hindu, Muslim and whatever else you may be.

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

SAME RIVER

Ithaca is Gorgeious

To stave off the darkness in my own mind I cling to the hope and knowledge that change will come. You see, I am trapped in a skull that clings to procrastination. Unless that gun is pointed at the back of my head and not yours...unless the fire blazes outside creeping to engulf all that I know....Unless I am at the precipice facing the tempest....I just float into an apathetic haze. It has been that way for as long as I have a memory. Deadline schmeadline....just tell me when its due.

Over the Falls

Much has happened and so many lifetimes have traveled before my eyes. As I did when I lived next to the Niagara river, I watch and see it pass by. The eddies, driftwood and garbage of life pass within my reach, yet I don't grasp...if I did...then I'd get wet! Yes....I do jump into the river of life, get carried by the stream. Those are the times of greatest boredom or when I must be a part of the river rather than an observer on the shores. Its better in the flow, better than the frightened soul on the bank. I look over my shoulder and see that other me...that observer me....and I wave as I flow toward the brink of the falls. I know there is no 2 me's, but I can see them clearly as I write. I can see those falls. I can see the action me smile a big grin in anticipation that I will be ridding that water over the drop and into another episode as the river changes along its path. Same water, but different terrain. Same me, but different terrain.

Brink Of the Falls

On Fridays I am the Palliative Liaison at the plantation I work. A much different job. I wear a different costume....they call it 'the White Coat'. I have to approach things differently. In the ER I am an aggressive compassion Murse. In Palliative Care I still carry the compassion, but must put aside the aggression. Same river, different terrain.

Ithaca NY

In the ER I have all my tools on my belt. I wear an Army Surgical Cap and goggles. My brain must race from 0-90 and I am always on edge. Waiting for the shit to hit.

Hope all is well.